To Feel Like This...

I live to let you shine.

2009-05-01T19:17:31Z

It's been a while since I've updated, huh? Well, I've been feeling a little poetic lately so here's some poems I wrote a while back. I cannot wait to go home and have time to be artsy :]

Endocarditis

I’m choking on the shards of my swollen heart
That you crammed down my throat and
This stomach full of butterflies and blood
Is starting to spill into my tangled insides
And seep through the ribs that you’ve cracked.

Ombrophobia

On sunny days we would lay outside
Listening to each other’s heartbeats.
You drummed on my ribs and plucked at my heartstrings
while the butterflies in my stomach
Crescendo into my throat.

On rainy days we would sit inside
writing our wishes on paper hearts.
We kept them in a jar on the shelf
vowing never to open it until the sky crashed down
And the stars became ours.

Although you liked the sunny days best
and hated rainy days for their gloom
I liked any kind of day
so long as it was with you.

I never finished the second poem and probably won't but I think it sounds decent anyway. Anywho, only 3 more finals left and I'm feeling confident that I'll do well on them. You know, I'm really enjoying how happy and optimistic I've been feeling lately. I just feel like everything will be okay no matter what happens. And I like that. I can't wait to see what the future holds :]

I miss you..

2009-02-20T06:51:17Z

Crappy poem I wrote today...

I miss your crooked smile
and the butterflies that caught my breath.

I miss the cold fingers that intertwined mine
and the milky skin that stretched over your sharp bones.

I miss the way our hearts beat together
like a song; my favorite lullaby.

I miss the way my heart skipped at your voice
and the way you said 'I love you'.

But most of all..I miss you.

We Could Have Been.

2009-02-19T17:51:10Z

It seems every day ends in heartbreak. Will I ever find someone to love me and all my flaws?
...No. Nobody likes broken things.

Cracks. by Amertie

before, you were the cracks in my bones, the stains in my carpet and the blood from my wounds.
but you told me that there is no point in speaking if no one is listening.
and you never were, so now you are only the dead silence that lingers in my heart.
.

you gave me flowers for my birthday.
'no thanks', i said, shaking my head. 'they'll only die.'
you smiled. 'but that's why i picked them - to watch them die. isn't it beautiful?'
and i could only wonder if you picked me for the same reason.
.

i used to think i was made of glass; breakable and fragile. and once it's broken, no one can put the pieces back together just right.
but you taught me that i'm not.
see, glass shines when light touches it.

i don't.

Sweet Little Nothings...

2009-02-16T23:14:34Z

I found a poem on deviantart that spells my name

It's spelled the wrong way but its still pretty..

Explosion of Colors

One day –
[A] You will walk down the street, eyes searching the night for that one star speckling the black with flecks of gold.
The street lights will have just danced to life; shadows will fall towards the end of the sky.
And your happy ending will rush forward, prepared to never leave.
Be ready.

One day –
[L] Your hands will brush as you tumble to the ground, and you will both think that maybe you shouldn’t have been staring so intently at the pearly heavens above you.
Until your eyes meet, that is. And you will know, in that three second flash, that you can learn to reach the marble pedestal you both seek.

One day –
[Y] You will drift in a meadow, its flowers smelling of violet and hazel while you look between the trees for promises of something-more-than-lust from fairytales.
The stars will whisper in a pointless attempt at distraction, and he will hold your gaze at last, telling you that you should try to trust the air with your secrets so that maybe one day you will be able to trust someone other than the pen and page.
He knows you still need to grow. You're only yet a tanned sapling. So he will try to evolve with you because his only wish is that you grow into perfect for each other.

One day –
[S] You see the sun's orange glow, dragging forth a new dawn. I pray for the moment when it will no longer blind you, turning from dull yellow to brilliant copper.
And the sky will no longer be a plain-jane blue, laced with dead gray clouds.
He will paint it cerulean, and declare it almost as pretty-ful as you
[because beautiful isn’t
as gentle.]

One day –
[S] You will see that your song of happiness is like the dinosaurs.
It has not disappeared, or gone extinct, or vanished from thin air with a snap.
It’s simply shy. And it will find you again.
Don’t lose faith just yet.

One day –
[A] Your happy ending will come out of hiding.
You will carve your way in. Dig beneath his skinandbones beauty. Peel back one rib at a time.
Reveal the mass of redblue, alive, reaching for another breath, one more touch.
Is it still pumping forth a green-less rainbow of auburn-midnight blue-lavender-periwinkle-fuchsia-copper-cerulean?
You will find your explosion of colors.

lostchi @ 2009-02-06T09:22:00

2009-02-06T14:25:51Z

Hehee I heart a softer world <3

I love that shipwreck smile of yours <3

2009-02-05T21:57:02Z

I love poetry.
I could just sit and read it all day.
I wish I could make words sound pretty like that.
I'm better at making pictures though.

This one I found on deviantart.
It reminds me of Ross :]

Te Amo by Miss Deathwish

you are worth the sum of two moons and
three-hundred and ninety-seven crystalline stars.
(you outshine everything
                     everything
                     everything.)

you are beautiful, like a fallen paper angel, with
tattered wings and a shipwreck smile, and
your halo is woven from strands of golden
                     and smiles
                     and love.

you are damaged, maybe, but through your cracks
and bruises shines a glow that's worth the hurt, seeping through
your fractures like the ocher-eyed sun,
                     the silver-threaded rain,
                     the sunset-spattered sky.

you speak of translucent dreams and strawberry skies
and black-and-blue fingertips pressed to forlorn skin.
to you, i can say 'i love you', and i'll always mean it.
                     (love isn't even
                     a strong enough word.)

I miss him lots and he's only been gone for a day.
I heart my boyfriend so much <3

You make me forget why I want to breathe

2009-02-03T23:48:06Z

Christi and I had fun yesterday
painting our skins with rainbows and lyrics.
They still haven't washed off.
Christi left her teacup and markers in my room
I love Christi!

One more day :]

I love the things that make me smile <3

Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals

2009-02-02T17:12:48Z

I am sitting in Ethics
and it's making my head spin.
Morals, freedom, will, duty...
It's all so confusing!

But it's a beautiful day today
and I'm not going to waste it.
Even with my sore throat.

But I am awfully sleepy..

Just ask the question, come untie the knot, say you won't care..

2009-02-02T06:05:41Z

I feel happier for some reason..
Nothing and everything has changed and
I'm hoping it's for the better.

Ross came to visit this weekend and he makes me happy.
He's so sweet and shy it's adorable.
He's visiting again this Wednesday after classes and I'm excited :]

I filled out the FAFSA over the phone with my mommy today.
It was easier than I remembered
But I miss my mommy and my sibby terribly.
My sister just turned 17 too!
She's getting so old
Old fart.

Steve was talking to me today
He's so sad.
He's afraid of losing his girlfriend but I don't think he has to worry
He's such a great guy and they love each other so much
They'll work things out I think :]

I'm starting to get a sore throat
I hope it goes away
I don't want to be sick :[

I love Brand New lots <3

The snow will not keep, the heart will not sleep.

2009-01-28T16:49:56Z

You chew up your words

and spit out the shards.

They glitter so pretty in the light

I almost believe them.

Another sleepless night.

2009-01-28T07:23:20Z

The bruises you left on my thighs were nothing compared to the bruises you left on my heart.

Oh the troubles I've seen...

2009-01-27T20:19:58Z

My sister vs. car

Car: 0 Sister:1

In other news:
I started talking to an old friend again. It's really nice to be able to talk to him again. I've really sort of missed him even though I probably shouldn't.

I've been hanging out with my friends from Aquinas more. It's a nice change. Less drama. And I feel bad that I didn't really hang out with them all that much last semester after I moved.

Alyssa and I have been going to the gym LOTS lately. We've been doing lots of cardio and the fitness classes they have at the gym. I'm hoping to get in shape a little more and maybe get a little healthier so I don't get sick as much (and maybe feel a little better mentally as well as physically).

I've been feeling a little down lately. But also very artistic. Maybe something good will come out of this sadness.

To feel like this..

2008-03-24T22:14:18Z

BLARG

2005-12-16T16:10:00Z

I WANT TO VOMIT ALL OVER YOUR FACE I FEEL SO NAUSEOUS.

I like health.

So, anyway, before I go do my essay I would like to tell you all a joke. Okay, okay. So, there are two ships: one painted red and one painted blue. They crash. The survivors were last found to be marooned.

I don't feel so good. Ughnnhghhnh.

In health class

2005-12-14T16:11:07Z

I'm in health right now doing absolutely nothing and bored to tears. This is exactly why I'm even writing in here in the first place. I feel bad because I can be working on my project right now but I really don't want to because it's not due until after Christmas vacation. And we've already been in the computer lab for like 5 clases. That's like a month of working on a project that can take a week. Mrs. Standard is being so nice. Some teachers on the other hand.....

...

2005-12-04T19:50:28Z

I was looking through all my old things today. I've changed. And I'm afraid it's for the worse. I'm sorry.

lostchi @ 2005-09-24T14:24:00

2005-09-24T18:24:31Z

I forgot livejournal even existed.

O.O

2005-08-14T14:49:52Z

I had a dream that some of my friends and I were in a big, open field and it was a nice day out and everything and we were sitting on a big blanket talking and all of a sudden it starts to thunder and lightning. I thought it was just a heat storm so I wasn't worried about it and we just kept talking (or in my case listening because I wasn't talking to anyone). Then, it starts down pouring and everyone is scrambling to get there shoes on and go inside (although I don't think we really could go inside because there weren't any houses around but it doesn't matter because this is a dream). I couldn't find my shoes and I started getting scared because I knew the lightning was going to strike where we were (I don't know why but I just had a feeling). Then I could see it coming down and I tried to move out of the way but I couldn't and I got struck. Everything went black and I could feel tingling throughout my body and I remember thinking "Wow, that didn't hurt as much as I thought it would," and then thinking "OMG AM I DEAD?!" And then I realized I was breathing heavily and my heart was practically thumping out of my chest and I'm like "WOOT. I'M ALIVE" and then I woke up. o_o.....yep. So anywho, I couldn't go back to sleep so guess what? I WATCHED CARTOONS. And it's like the same cartoons I used to get up at 7 to watch when I was like 10. So I'm watching pokemon and completely lost because there's new people and totally different pokemon like this one that looked exactly like an oversized chicken and another that looked like a dog with a mushroom on its head. Next up is digimon and there's totally different people and instead of them having digimon they're the ones who turn into digimon. How the heck does that happen? Anyway, the plot is basically the same: Find evil guy, fight evil guy, realize evil guy is too strong, run away from evil guy, evil guy finds them, fight evil guy again and so on. And of course, to waste time, they show the kids digivolving ong by one instead of all together so it takes up 5 minutes of the show. I mean c'mon, if this evil digimon guy was smart, he would attack them all when they're all taking 5 minutes to digivolve. That leaves off as a cliffhanger (as usual) and yugioh is on. Now, I never really watched a whole episode of this show before (you can probably guess why) and all I have to say is wow. Okay maybe not just wow but these two guys are "dueling" on top of an airplane WHICH IS DEFYING THE LAW THAT STATES "YOU CANNOT STAND ON TOP OF AN AIRPLANE THAT IS GOING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF SOUND (or any speed basically) CAUSE THERE IS AIR THAT WILL KNOCK YOU OFF AND MAKE YOU FALL TO YOUR DOOM." Okay, so maybe there isn't a law that says that but it must say something to that degree. So where was I now? Ah yes, they're dueling. Now, I don't know how anyone can understand how to play that weird card game cause it seems like they could do anything in one turn. Like, there's no limit to what they can do. One guy is like "I play my dragon of doom and equip him with the sword of doom making his life points double and then I put this card face down and put my stone dude in defensive mode ending my turn. THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN DEFEAT ME BECAUSE I'M SO POWERFUL AND BLAH BLAH BLAH." Then the good guy or the guy you want to win is like "OH YEAH? Well I play my dark magician and play a magic card so he also has double life points and I place this card face down and attack you so now your dude is dead and your life points are down AND THAT ENDS MY TURN AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN DEFEAT ME CAUSE I BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF THE CARDS AND I HAVE MY FRIENDS ON MY SIDE AND WITH THEM SCREAMING ENCOURAGING THINGS I CAN DEFEAT YOU." and they go back and forth like that the whole time and it seems like they can block each others moves with stupid cards that is perfect for that moment in time and seems like they just made it up. BUT ANYWAY, the episode ends with the good duy defeating the bad guy and the bad guy gets his soul taken away and the plane crashes but everyone is alright because three dragons pop out of no where and help bring the plane down.....I'M SORRY BUT THE CHANCES OF ALL THAT HAPPENING ARE PRETTY SLIM. So anyway, I'm going to six flags with my aunt/cousin/uncle/maybe a friend tomorrow and I don't really want to go. Not only because I'm sick but because I don't really know if I'll have fun. BUT IT DOESNT MATTER. CAUSE MAYBE I'lL GET A TAN THERE. OH JOY. I'm kidding. Yeah, so...that's it. That's been my night/day so far. :)

lostchi @ 2005-08-10T12:13:00

2005-08-10T16:10:27Z

omfg.
to the blnket fort!
away11=!!
:3

lostchi @ 2005-07-25T15:05:00

2005-07-25T19:54:50Z

First off, I would like to congradulate my sister on being the most stupid person I ever met. She had a water balloon fight. With her friends. In the house. Meaning water. All over the place. My response to this act was of course chasing her around the house with a butcher's knife. Nah, jk. Although I would have liked to. *AHEM* I MEAN I LOVE MY SISTER SO MUCH. ^_^;; Anyway, speaking of knives, my parents bought a set of knives that cost $1300. Can you tell me what is wrong with that picture? Well, first of all, EVERYTHING. Who in the heck would by a set of knives for $1300 when they hardly cook and the quality is no different than that of a normal knife? My family is so weird. THAT INCLUDES YOU CHRIS. AND TECHNICALLY CHELSEA. AND ME.

So, now that that matter is settled, I'd like to say i really don't want to go to camp. I'm not good with meeting new people. Not to mention I don't really want to meet new people. So like, I'm not excited like my friends are. Although I wish I was. Just like how I wish I liked tomatoes. Cause, like, they look really good. But I don't like them. But it's weird, 'cause like, I like ketchep, and tomato soup. Yanno, I've been craving tomato soup for like the past month. Yanno how women always crave chocolate? Well I crave tomato soup. ANYWHO, I've been waking up at abnormal times for summer. Like yesterday I woke up at 5 and today at 6. AND I KNOW I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS BUT YOU CAN GO HUMP A COW FOR 25 CENTS. Yeah, I'm tired.

lostchi @ 2005-04-03T11:11:00

2005-04-03T15:08:54Z

Pope's Body Lies in State at Vatican
In this picture released by the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, Pope John Paul II is seen liying in state in the Clementine Hall at the Vatican, Sunday, April 3, 2005. Pope John Paul II died Saturday at 84. (AP Photo/L'Osservatore Romano)

HAHA. They spelled it wrong. The poor pope. Props to Chebs for noticing it.

HAHA

2005-03-28T21:39:22Z

lostchi @ 2005-03-27T10:46:00

2005-03-27T15:42:37Z

YEAH SO MERRY EASTER

cough

2005-03-15T17:51:37Z

I think I'm dying because I'm so sick. What do you want in my will?

o_o

2005-03-13T17:32:13Z

I really haven't updated this in a while so I guess I will. Welp, Anna slept over yesterday and today and we had lots of fun. We went snowboarding and I helped teach my sister's friend how to stop and this guy kept asking me for my hat which I didn't give to him cause I love mah jester's hat. We went up to gildersleeve yesterday too and we went down the slides and went on the swings and made a tunnel through this big snowpile but as soon as we finished the tunnel a big snowplow came and messed it up. *sigh* Oh well. My sister got her progress report and it says shes in danger of failing two classes so my parents were all mad and stuff and now they're jumping to conclusions with my grades and saying you better not be going down in any of your classes. I mean c'mon, me going from high honors to failing? Yeah. Ok. I just can't wait for Washington. I really want to get out of my house. My parents are giving me all these chores to do and they never ask Brittany to do anything AND they let my sister do anything and give her stuff and when I ask for anything they usually say no. Talk about unfair. I remember on time I asked if I could have a friend come over and my mom said no when my sister had two friends over the week before and I hadn't had anyone come over in weeks. I swear I'm like cinderella to them.I can't wait till I'm old enough to move out of the house because I can't take this any longer. @__@